Monday
Nov242008
Beyond Attached: Wild, Inspired, Tranquil, Ravenous Curiosity, Playful...
Monday, November 24, 2008
My first and most important goal as a parent was to foster a secure attachment with my children. Practicing attachment parenting has been key in achieving that strong attachment and I have to continue to foster that attachment on an ongoing basis by putting my relationship with my kids first. Some of the concepts from Unconditional Parenting and Hold on To Your Kids are important in helping me to maintain that attachment on an ongoing basis.
But recently I've been asking myself what else I want to be. I mean, beyond being an attached parent, what kind of parent do I want to be? In my search for inspiration, I've been reading various blogs and books and today I asked my followers on twitter to tell me in one word what kind of parent they want to be. Here is what I heard:
What a list! Those are all great answers and I would have to say that I agree with all of them. But, alas, I can't do everything at once. So I wanted to share with you all some of the things that I have been reading lately in an attempt to discover the next frontier in my parenting style.
The parenting style I am seeking...
I've been reading a great blog called Wild Parenting which has multiple contributors providing excellent articles with their perspectives and ideas for wild parenting. I was attracted to the word on its own, but was curious to learn more and checked out their description of wild parenting:
That certainly speaks to me and as I plowed through some of the past posts, I found many that inspired me and got me thinking, such as Laura Kelly's description of a third place and her discussion of the 1980s book Parenting for Peace and Justice, Gabrielle Stannus' post My Name is Not Rachel's Mother, Justin Dossett giving a dad's perspective on sleep, and so many more.
My search for great resources on agnostic parenting often bring me back to things written by Dale Gowan. I absolutely love this post about promoting ravenous curiousity in kids. Dale says:
Seeking and searching for the answers with our kids, not saying "just because", and letting their minds wander from the task at hand to more fascinating things is sometimes contrary to my instinct to establish and maintain some order in the household. But it is a goal worth continuing to pursue if I want them to be thinkers not just followers.
According to Lawrence J. Cohen, playful parenting means "joining children in their world of play, focusing on connection and confidence, giggling and roughhousing, and following your child's lead." His book Playful Parenting is a favourite of mine and it includes great ideas for using play to nurture close connections, solve behaviour problems and encourage children's confidence.
I've heard a lot of parents say that they don't like to play. They love their children, but they hate getting down onto the floor to play cars or having a tea party. I don't always love every game that I play with my kids, but I do enjoy a lot of it and I get to know them in new ways each time I play a game with them. There are parts of their personality that I don't see except during those special moments of play. And like one of the people that responded to my tweet, I want my kids to see me as fun and to enjoy spending time with me.
If I can find more ways to use play for behaviour modification, that would be great. I hate the battles about eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. If we didn't have somewhere to be (school for him and work for me in the morning and bed at a decent hour in the evening), then I'd be okay with just letting things go and I often do on the weekend. But during the week, I need some playful tricks to keep things moving without nagging, fighting and threatening.
Inspiration, being inspiring, being inspired seemed to be common themes in the tweets I received today. I came across the web site for Inspired Parenting Magazine recently and discovered some interesting articles. According to the Web site:
It touches on topics such as emotional intelligence, parenting with passion, keeping yourself alive, and using time in instead of time out. It also has resources for parents whose children have sensory processing disorders and strives to help parents help their children to reach their potential regardless of what challenges they may be facing.
Life is a whirlwind. It seems I never stop. Especially when the kids are around me, we're so busy being wild and playful, or just doing the things you have to do to get through the day (get dressed, eat, clean, etc.) that we never get to slow down. I would like more tranquility in my life. I would like to teach my kids the value of being tranquil sometimes and taking the opportunity to just soak up life and be quiet. So I've been reading The Tranquil Parent, a blog with multiple contributers (including Savannah from Mindfully Mothering) in an attempt to find some clues. Many of the articles are generic parenting stuff, but there are a few that give some glimpses of where or how tranquility might be found.
There you have it...wild, ravenously curious, playful, inspired and tranquil. That is what I am seeking in my parenting approach at the moment.
What are you searching for? Where do you get your inspiration?
But recently I've been asking myself what else I want to be. I mean, beyond being an attached parent, what kind of parent do I want to be? In my search for inspiration, I've been reading various blogs and books and today I asked my followers on twitter to tell me in one word what kind of parent they want to be. Here is what I heard:
- emotionally available
- patient
- fun
- memorable
- successful
- inspiring or inspirational
- tadah
- mellow
- feminist
- adventurous
- joyful
- reflective
- mentor
- kick-ass
- capable
- compassionate
- loving
What a list! Those are all great answers and I would have to say that I agree with all of them. But, alas, I can't do everything at once. So I wanted to share with you all some of the things that I have been reading lately in an attempt to discover the next frontier in my parenting style.
The parenting style I am seeking...
Wild
I've been reading a great blog called Wild Parenting which has multiple contributors providing excellent articles with their perspectives and ideas for wild parenting. I was attracted to the word on its own, but was curious to learn more and checked out their description of wild parenting:
Wild Parenting is a decision to live life awake and aware, allowing our children to find their own voices and follow their own paths. Being wild is not about subscribing to a particular parenting dogma. It is, however, a rejection of the overscheduling, micromanaging, hyperparenting model in favor of embracing the natural flow of childhood.
This kind of parenting isn’t permissive; it’s relational. It’s not perfect, but it is authentic.
We don’t dull our days with gadgets or turn away from an outstretched hand. We won’t jump on the nearest bandwagon, and we aren’t always looking for the quick fix.
Wild families are community-minded, freedom-filled, nature-loving, and justice-seeking. We are creative and courageous, playful and expressive. Read more...
That certainly speaks to me and as I plowed through some of the past posts, I found many that inspired me and got me thinking, such as Laura Kelly's description of a third place and her discussion of the 1980s book Parenting for Peace and Justice, Gabrielle Stannus' post My Name is Not Rachel's Mother, Justin Dossett giving a dad's perspective on sleep, and so many more.
Ravenously Curious
My search for great resources on agnostic parenting often bring me back to things written by Dale Gowan. I absolutely love this post about promoting ravenous curiousity in kids. Dale says:
Kids start off curious. Our job is to simply prevent it from being blunted by familiarity and passivity. I try to wonder aloud myself ( “I wonder why different trees turn different colors in the fall”) to keep my kids dissatisfied with the mere surface of things — the coolest stuff is behind the curtain, after all — and to always, always reward their curiosity with engagement, no matter how tired I am.
Seeking and searching for the answers with our kids, not saying "just because", and letting their minds wander from the task at hand to more fascinating things is sometimes contrary to my instinct to establish and maintain some order in the household. But it is a goal worth continuing to pursue if I want them to be thinkers not just followers.
Playful
According to Lawrence J. Cohen, playful parenting means "joining children in their world of play, focusing on connection and confidence, giggling and roughhousing, and following your child's lead." His book Playful Parenting is a favourite of mine and it includes great ideas for using play to nurture close connections, solve behaviour problems and encourage children's confidence.
I've heard a lot of parents say that they don't like to play. They love their children, but they hate getting down onto the floor to play cars or having a tea party. I don't always love every game that I play with my kids, but I do enjoy a lot of it and I get to know them in new ways each time I play a game with them. There are parts of their personality that I don't see except during those special moments of play. And like one of the people that responded to my tweet, I want my kids to see me as fun and to enjoy spending time with me.
If I can find more ways to use play for behaviour modification, that would be great. I hate the battles about eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. If we didn't have somewhere to be (school for him and work for me in the morning and bed at a decent hour in the evening), then I'd be okay with just letting things go and I often do on the weekend. But during the week, I need some playful tricks to keep things moving without nagging, fighting and threatening.
Inspired
Inspiration, being inspiring, being inspired seemed to be common themes in the tweets I received today. I came across the web site for Inspired Parenting Magazine recently and discovered some interesting articles. According to the Web site:
IP is a magazine specifically designed for those who believe that if we are ever going to create a peaceful world that values compassion, kindness, empathy, inclusion and respect for all of nature's creations, we have to start with the way we value, parent, educate, nurture and raise our children...Our intention is that IP becomes your most trusted resource for everything you need to know to parent holistically, compassionately, supportively, empathically and with respect for the brilliant, amazing and continually evolving beings that all children are.
It touches on topics such as emotional intelligence, parenting with passion, keeping yourself alive, and using time in instead of time out. It also has resources for parents whose children have sensory processing disorders and strives to help parents help their children to reach their potential regardless of what challenges they may be facing.
Tranquil
Life is a whirlwind. It seems I never stop. Especially when the kids are around me, we're so busy being wild and playful, or just doing the things you have to do to get through the day (get dressed, eat, clean, etc.) that we never get to slow down. I would like more tranquility in my life. I would like to teach my kids the value of being tranquil sometimes and taking the opportunity to just soak up life and be quiet. So I've been reading The Tranquil Parent, a blog with multiple contributers (including Savannah from Mindfully Mothering) in an attempt to find some clues. Many of the articles are generic parenting stuff, but there are a few that give some glimpses of where or how tranquility might be found.
There you have it...wild, ravenously curious, playful, inspired and tranquil. That is what I am seeking in my parenting approach at the moment.
What are you searching for? Where do you get your inspiration?
Reader Comments (14)
What great goals. :)
Wow! Now I have 5 more blogs to explore! Thanks! This is a great article with tons of awesome places and ideas to look into. Thanks for posting this. I actually REALLY needed to read this at this very moment.
What a great post! I loved the type of playful parent. Everything should be done in a way that causes fun, that is by games and plays. Kids learn a lot through games' and parents learn a lot too (mostly about their kids) through plays and fun. The whole world should be seen through the eyes of a kid: Have fun!!!
Thanks for the link to your post. I'll have to check out some of these blogs and books you referenced. Curiosity is so important to me so I try to ignite that spark in my boys. Life is about learning and fun, and the two are not mutually exclusive!
I misread "kick-ass" as "kissable" and I thought "aw", so I would add that to the list! (or even affectionate - I thought that was missing)
Great post as usual!
Great post! I hadn't heard of the Wild Parenting blog; off to read it...
Savannah
[...] posted an entry a while back (can’t find it, but here’s a link to her post about the kind of mom she wants to be: the kind who makes me cower at my glaring [...]
What a brilliant post. I have been feeling caught in a slump of some kind, as if I need to make a step out and forwards as a parent but feeling unsure of how...my daughter is 3 and I feel it's time to add to my original aims/goals/dreams of what kind of parent I'd like to be...and this post has just given me the impetus I need. I'm off to ponder and reflect and make that next step! Thank you.
Love this post! My problem is finding the time to apply some of these ideas. Between work, housework, writing my blog and other commitments, I find I am not the parent I want to be.
That is an awesome list! I would like to parent in all those ways as well, but I think (since you asked) that I would have to add "patient" to my list. Patience doesn't come easily for me, and with all the bickering that's going on in my house lately, I really need it!
Wonderful goals. I concur!
[...] Beyond Attached: Wild, Inspired, Tranquil, Ravenous Curiosity … [...]
the link to Mindfully Mothering goes nowhere for me... :(
Oh geez, Annie I just saw this was written 4 years ago. :-P