Covering up is a feminist issue

Note: Since writing this post, some of the images have been made unavailable. However, I also created a video version of the Covering Up is a Feminist Issue message, which I would encourage you to check out and share.

Yesterday I read and commented on a post where a woman, mother, and published author was asking breastfeeding moms why they can't cover up. She wanted to know why women can't just be discreet. That led me to look up the word "discreet" in the dictionary and interestingly Merriam Webster says it means:

Having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech: PRUDENT; especially: capable of preserving prudent silence.

According to that definition, it would seem that asking or telling someone to cover up is, in fact, indiscreet.

But is refusing to cover up indiscreet? I don't think so. There is a wide range of opinions on what constitutes good judgment with regards to how women dress themselves and how much they should or should not cover up. Any time a woman is told to cover up or told to undress, I see that as an attack on her person. Telling women to cover up and telling women to strip down are frequently used tactics for oppressing women. There are both practical and philosophical reasons why no one other than the woman herself should decide how covered or uncovered to be.  It is easier for onlookers to avert their eyes than it is for a woman to dress in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable.

When it comes to dressing, I think women should be able to choose from a wide variety of options. It should be up to them to decide how they feel comfortable.

Burka by niomix2008 on flickr

P1010131 by brookesb on flickr

Saturday Night Smile by LollyKnit on flickr

Paola by Gary Denness on flickr

19/03/07 by Sagrado Corazón on flickr

#4 rach in the rain by rachel sian on flickr

Leaning Back by Diana Blackwell on flickr

CLEAVAGE ON A LAZY AFTERNOON by fabiogis50 on flickr

Sesion Color by Master/Cyber on flickr

Sandra IMG_6836 by -Andrew- on flickr

Denim Skirts by Anita Robicheau on flickr

Hi mom! by Magdalena O! on flickr

365 day twenty-two: keep a light on by Foxtongue on flickr

When it comes to breastfeeding, I feel the same way. There is no one definition of how covered a woman should be. Some people think no skin should show at all. Others think anything goes. I don't think it is the place of anyone other than the breastfeeding mother to decide whether or how much to cover.

Magical Milk Pic-O-the-Week on welcometomybrain.net

Magical Milk Pic-O-the-Week on welcometomybrain.net

Madeleine hides under the Bebe au Lait cover by freeformkatia on flickr

Jones Beach by Joe Shlabotnik on flickr

DSC_5552 by 150hp on flickr

080308VanSickler073 by littleREDelf on flickr

Mamella by Amadeu Sanz on flickr

purchased from istockphoto

sosta in paese by Matteo Bagnoli on flickr

at 2 years old...by @noborders on flickr

Bonding by Mike.Hanlon on flickr

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes to dressing and breastfeeding, appropriateness should be decided by the woman herself. If other people don't like it, they should discreetly avert their eyes.

Comments

[Queen R]

I like this post and the sentiment "Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes to dressing and breastfeeding, appropriateness should be decided by the woman herself. If other people don’t like it, they should discreetly avert their eyes." found in it. Personally, while my hubby pushes me to pump (I'm inducing lactation as an expectant adoptive mother) in public, I am just not comfortable with baring my breasts in public and, to me, breastfeeding seems like a much more intimate (not sexually as between two adults but intimate as between a mother and child) act than simple nudity. I've actually had to tell my husband that I don't think I'll be able to breastfeed in public, not because I am ashamed but because it is an intimate act to me. I HAVE apologized to others when baring my (not terribly unattractive) body in public because I admit to sometimes shuddering when looking at some (rather unattractive) people FULLY clothed and I once informed a woman at an airport that her vagina was visible to passersby in her sitting position (b/c I'd want someone to tell me in that situation but leaving it up to her to cover if she wished). I didn't find any of the pictures uncomfortable but then again, there weren't any terribly ugly people in them. If asked, or in a public discussion such as this one, I'll volunteer my own interpretation of social mores and public breastfeeding. I do not think that it is necessary (however convenient it may be) for most women (there ARE situations) to sit with their breast fully exposed when breastfeeding at most times. I also feel that some forms of dress and nudity are not appropriate in various situations for various people. I understand those that object to being able to see breasts (no matter the situation) because of parental concerns. I hope that I will be able to navigate breastfeeding while staying within both my own and the majority of society's comfort zones. BUT I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD SOMEONE TO COVER UP (or lose weight, or...w/e, even if I wanted them too) as I realize that MY VALUES MAY NOT BE THEIR OWN. I JUST DISCREETLY TURN MY HEAD because that is also the proper thing to do in my opinion.

[Queen R]

Edit: I wanted to amend this to be sure that I was understood. By fully, I meant with all cleavage, areola and nipple exposed and for a prolonged period of time. As in, there is a child near the woman that might want to feed soon but they are not on or very close to the BREAST of the woman nor have they just finished.

[FAQs on Target National Nurse-]

[...] we believe that mothers should nurse in the way that they are most comfortable, and we agree with PhDinParenting that telling women to cover up or strip down is a frequently used tactic to oppress women.  We [...]

[Annie]

This article made me think about something funny in my own life. My mother is very conservative and hates to see anyone's "boobs hanging out". She has no problem gesturing to me that my top has come down a little too low for her comfort level, no matter how embarrassing it may be to me for her to do so. And yet, she completely supports my decision to NIP uncovered and stands up for my right to do so as a nursing mother. She knows that I am comfortable nursing uncovered and doesn't really think anything of it, although she used to try to cover me up because she "didn't want any pervs checking me out." I thank you for the words you used, that it is the mother's choice and no one else's. I'm not allowed to judge anyone on their choice to bottle-feed. Please don't judge me on the choice to remain comfortable when nursing.

[Annie]

Loukia, I just had to respond to your comment about the man being in the nursing room. I commend that father for supporting his wife and child and going with them to the nursing room. Most men wouldn't do that for their wives and yet, you found it unacceptable and uncomfortable for him to be there. I mean, unless he was gawking at all the nursing mothers' breasts and being a pervert, doesn't he have just as much right to be there as you do? You chose to go there, but so did him and his wife. It's a room for people nursing their babies and he was taking part in his baby being nursed.

[elise]

I know this is old but I have to say something. Im 16, and I feel like all these people mad at feminist issues are just wasting their time. You cant force someone to change the way they feel its America. Everyone has different opinions. So if someone thinks women should cover up then so be it what are you going to do beat the living heck out of them until they agree with you? Its like the whole racist issue somebody is always gonna hate black/white people and they can't be jailed because of their opinion just dnt hang around them. To get mad at women for covering up as they breast feed is so childish. Maybe she just doesn't want her breast showing not because of what others think but because its for her own personal comfort. Your all making this a bigger issue than it really is. WHO CARES? like the women said its up to the woman decision as to what is most comfortable to her. Some people dont want their children seeing a mature boob just being whipped out. What next are we going to try and make being naked in public legal? If you feel like its okay for your 11 year old daughter to see a grown mans penis then I guess thats just your opinion. The thing is everyones always trying to "exercise ones rights" when its not even that big of a deal.

[Natalie B.]

I'd like to pose a question. I nurse publicly without a cover, yet recently, I was at a BBQ with co-workers (I'm a teacher), and felt compelled to go and nurse in private. The reason: a co-worker's son was there, and he was going to be in my class that year (Sophomore English). I fully support the notion that children and adolescents should see breastfeeding modeled, but it felt different to model in front of a student as opposed to a family member or friend, or even a stranger. It's not sexual, but I don't think most American teens expect to ever see any portion of their teacher's breast. (Yeah, they probably see a little bit of cleavage, but we're supposed to dress professionally.) Should there be a difference in that situation? Why or why not?

[Candace Faggen]

I actually tried to cover up, but then the complaints and noise coming from my child while she fought to and succeeded in uncovering herself from her sauna and isolation convinced me that the discreet thing to do was not use a cover. That was at 2 months, now at 2 years she is still nursing frequently. I have been nudged further into lactivism by my child's preferences.

[Rachel]

I pity the fool that tried to tell you how to dress in labor.

[Kerstin d]

I love your response! Very intelligently put! We need more men like you to help bring our culture back to a healthy state concerning breastfeeding.
As for your differing responses to the two sets of pictures, my husband calls that "the lightswitch." When a baby is attached the switch is off (the boob has no eroticism), when the baby is off the switch is on (yay, yay, boobies for play!) haha. Simple speak for what you said :-)

[Strocel.com | Swimsuits and Si]

[...] want to place the onus for avoiding attention of whatever kind on her. The truth is that she can wear whatever makes her comfortable. How other people react is their choice – including me. But on the other hand, I don’t [...]

[Kati]

It's about Tolerance Elise.

[Kerstin d]

Elise, it is a big issue, I just don't think you personally are able to relate since you haven't experienced it yourself.
I don't care if someone thinks I'm wrong for not covering when I nurse. Their ignorance is their problem, not mine. What I DO care about is when they think its ok to make their ignorance my problem. By law in most states you're not allowed to harrass a woman about how she chooses to nurse her baby. Just like discriminating against someone based on race is illegal. Every single day women are kicked out of places because they're choosing to feed their babies the best way possible, and that's not right--and it's illegal. If we don't make a big deal about it then those behaviors will keep happening, just as racial discrimination was much worse before people took a stand against it. I know that many teenagers today are apathetic and don't really care about any cause except their own, but I hope you can look outside your own world and consider that you may be undervaluing the importance of this issue.

[Linda]

Right on! Breast feeding was the most healing experience for me to love and appreciate my body! And people who can't deal with breasts feeding need to (non discreetly) look at why we have breasts in the first place!