Wednesday
Aug192009
Hockey mom? No thanks.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I am Canadian.
I am Canadian and I don't want to be a hockey mom.
It isn't the early Saturday morning practices in a damp cold arena clutching my coffee mug that are deterring me. Not that I would particularly look forward to that, but if that was the worst of an otherwise rewarding and life changing experience for my child, I would suck it up. But what it comes down to is this: I don't think that being involved in hockey would be a life enriching experience for my children. If anything, I think it would have the opposite effect.
I am Canadian and I have committed blasphemy.
According to a National Post article by Wayne Scanlan (bold mine):
I'm sorry, but I don't see it as my personal responsibility to feed the NHL, the NWHL, or even Team Canada their future star players.
When this was being discussed on the CBC this morning, they were saying that surveys in certain areas of Toronto that are heavily populated by immigrants found that only half as many children want to be NHL players as was the case previously (I don't recall what year they were comparing the current figures to and can't find it online). They found this troubling. Personally, unless the kids that no longer want to be professional hockey players have decided that they want to be drug dealers, pimps or white collar swindlers instead, then I don't see this as a problem. If those children want to be doctors, teachers, writers, scientists, politicians, aid workers, nurses, photographers, musicians, professors, or mechanics instead of professional hockey players, I see that as encouraging not discouraging.
Why?
I want my kids to be active, but I don't think that violent expensive team sports are necessarily the way to go. I'd rather focus on free play and developing creativity. If they want to shoot a puck around on the frozen lake or the community ice rink in the winter, then great. But if they do go into organized team sports, I would rather it be in non violent sports and ones that allow balance between the team and other aspects of their lives.
So to those from OneGoal that have their sights focused on recruiting kids in the four to eight year old range, please keep your hands off my kids. This mom doesn't want to be a hockey mom.
Related post: Harper's Backward Proposal: Critique of the Children's Art Tax Credit
Image credit: Paul Nicholson on flickr
I am Canadian and I don't want to be a hockey mom.
It isn't the early Saturday morning practices in a damp cold arena clutching my coffee mug that are deterring me. Not that I would particularly look forward to that, but if that was the worst of an otherwise rewarding and life changing experience for my child, I would suck it up. But what it comes down to is this: I don't think that being involved in hockey would be a life enriching experience for my children. If anything, I think it would have the opposite effect.
I am Canadian and I have committed blasphemy.
According to a National Post article by Wayne Scanlan (bold mine):
"We can no longer take it for granted that growing up in Canada means you're going to be in love with hockey, or with the NHL specifically," Bibby told Canwest News Service.
Until now, it has only been accepted that hockey has struggled to gain a foothold in Southern U.S. markets. Logically, hockey viewership is bound to take a hit from splintered audiences, even in Canada.
But for mothers and fathers not to sign their children up for initiation hockey programs? Now that is sacrilege.
Hockey registrations in Canada bear this out. Though an increase in female registrations (up nearly 40 per cent over the past five years) helps to soften the blow, boys hockey registrations are more or less treading water and are projected to trend downward, according to Hockey Canada models.
In a nutshell, there will be a smaller pool from which to draw players in the next five to seven years, and many of the eligible youth players have grown up with a soccer ball on their feet instead of a hockey stick in their hands.
I'm sorry, but I don't see it as my personal responsibility to feed the NHL, the NWHL, or even Team Canada their future star players.
When this was being discussed on the CBC this morning, they were saying that surveys in certain areas of Toronto that are heavily populated by immigrants found that only half as many children want to be NHL players as was the case previously (I don't recall what year they were comparing the current figures to and can't find it online). They found this troubling. Personally, unless the kids that no longer want to be professional hockey players have decided that they want to be drug dealers, pimps or white collar swindlers instead, then I don't see this as a problem. If those children want to be doctors, teachers, writers, scientists, politicians, aid workers, nurses, photographers, musicians, professors, or mechanics instead of professional hockey players, I see that as encouraging not discouraging.
Why?
- The NHL and other professional hockey leagues glorify violence and glorify excess. It is a bunch of primarily white men being paid exorbitant amounts of money to pound the shit out of each other while perhaps also trying to get that little puck in the net.
- Hockey requires a significant time commitment. One that would take away from family time, from free play time, and from studying. I think casual team sports can be rewarding, but am not impressed with the idea of our entire lives revolving around practice and tournament schedules.
- It is pretty damn expensive. Especially at the rate that kids grow, to be buying a full set of equipment each year (even if bought second hand) and paying for travel to tournaments, ice time, league fees, and so takes much needed funds away from other things our family would like to invest in.
- Jocks are often pompous jerks. A generalization perhaps, but there you have it.
I want my kids to be active, but I don't think that violent expensive team sports are necessarily the way to go. I'd rather focus on free play and developing creativity. If they want to shoot a puck around on the frozen lake or the community ice rink in the winter, then great. But if they do go into organized team sports, I would rather it be in non violent sports and ones that allow balance between the team and other aspects of their lives.
So to those from OneGoal that have their sights focused on recruiting kids in the four to eight year old range, please keep your hands off my kids. This mom doesn't want to be a hockey mom.
Related post: Harper's Backward Proposal: Critique of the Children's Art Tax Credit
Image credit: Paul Nicholson on flickr
Reader Comments (120)
Thank you for sharing your first hand experience Aurelia. That is quite similar to what I've seen too. My kids are obviously not that age yet, but I've seen it with guys that I knew growing up and in university.
@Rebecca:
I agree that parents can be nuts in any sport. I'm not all that concerned about what words my kids might hear at the games (my perspective is that words are just words and I have no problem with appropriate use of profanity). But I am concerned about the attitudes they might pick up and I would at a minimum try to teach my kids that those parents are not acting appropriately and if necessary pull my kids out of any sport where the parents on the sidelines (and likely their kids on the ice/field/court) were acting like idiots.
With regards to my comment about jocks, I said that jocks are "often" pompous jerks. Not that they always are, not even that they usually are. But I do think that being a jerk is more prevalent among jocks than it is among other segments of the population. I think even what you described in your comment, about the parents in the stands, demonstrates where the breeding ground is for that behaviour. That winner takes all attitude and the need to make fun of kids that aren't the stars on the team or that make mistakes on the ice/field/court is something that is fostered in competitive sport. I know how influential peers can be over kids and although there is perhaps some sportsmanship and team work that is taught in competitive sports, I worry about the other attitudes that my kids will pick up there. I worry about them either becoming the bully or being the victim of the bully.
I know some very nice jocks, but I also know far too many jerks. I'm sorry if you were disappointed by my comment. I am disappointed by the way I was treated and the way I have seen others treated by "sports stars" over the years and still have the scars.
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Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however to classify jocks as jerks or to even say most are jerks is rather prejudicial on your part. Your comment could be said of the wealthy, highly educated, down trodden, athlete or artist. Remember every facet of society has 'jerks' and we shouldn't let them ruin the experience of others.
Our job as parents is to educate our children to what is acceptable and what is not. When they see someone in a position of power that takes advantage of their privileged status, whether that be a professional athlete, politician or actor we can use that as an opportunity to teach our children a better way.
Obviously you have had a bad experience by a person or persons involved in sports. That is unfortunate, most of us are hard working blue collar parents who see the value in having children involved in organized activities and respect every parents choice to do what's right for their child.
@L: It was partly tongue in cheek (like Backpacking Dad calling me an insane commie) and partly based on bad experiences. Also to clarify, I didn't say that all or even most jocks are jerks. I said that they are often jerks. Often means frequently, but doesn't imply all or even a majority.
Hey there. I have been so busy lately that I haven't been reading blogs too much. But it's so fun to come by here and read all of your great posts. I just had to laugh at this one because I feel exactly the same way. I'm all, NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO BE A HOCKEY MOM.
I didn't read all the comments, so maybe someone already mentioned this, but in the book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, he researched and records, in detail, how in order to be a hockey player, you have to have been born in either January, February or March. The cut off for teams is December 31. So if you're born in the early part of the year you have the advantage of being older, taller and stronger. Which leads to you being picked for the team. Pretty fascinating book.
Very impressive read although I had to stop reading the posts to avoid that mundane feeling when things wear themselves out . My son loves hockey but it wears him out so much he's trying to make going to school an issue always the day after practice or a game (one practice and one game per week) anyhow hockey is far from an organized event or sport but for the kids it means something , definitely a stereotypical mindset most of us can live without , nope I veiw the game as a pond or outdoor leisure event more like shinny , if the big kids avoided the ice during the after school and before supper hours to let the little ones go at it or ref or help teach them , it would make the game so much better and the older ones can get out there after supper but nope they gotta hog the pond or ice and even the local rink firing bullets at the glass which would frighten any kid under 12 . I am a hockey dad but an oversized wimpy one ie big enough to crush almost anyone on the ice but because of a pretty scarey event at age 13 .....I had my stick and this 19 year old goons stick busted over my helmetless head and then tossed over the boards playing 1970s shinny for sliding my stick along the ice to prevent an open net break away goal .
I have long since concluded the same thing as 'Hockey Mom ? No thanks '. Guess I'm just a wimp and wasn't man enough to withstand masses amount of more strength than what a normal 13 year old should be able to withstand .One positive thing it did do ,was motivated me and build an innerstrength to exceed 80mph or 130kmph on downhill skis something I'm sure I would have never done without using that horrible hockey experience (I was pretty messed up and bitter about it until 3 years later ).Standing at the top of the 2200 vertical foot run it is what pushed me to test run a 1976 world cup downhill run which was never used because it was too fast too short and too dangerous and the stopping zone was far too steep making it awkward ...oh what a feeling that was ! it was my healing point from that shinny experience I never knew what it was like to skip along snow like a flat skipping stone on calm water and feel my knees slowly start to buckle because it takes so much leg strength just to hold yourself up and the terrifying experience of the wind trying to lift me from my abdomen and throw me high into the air as easily as a kite catches the wind ...definitely a hair raising experience the sound of my skis slapping the icy hard snow was comparable to having a pair of citation speaks turned up way too loud and in a very short period of time it was all over .An inner peace was accomplished that day and for someone who loved hockey so so much I realized there is nothing on an ice hockey rink , and no amount of goals could compare to that day . Thankyou for listening I hope I didn't bore any of you and I truly appreciate you allowing me to speak my mind and share my persoanl experiance Thanks again ...(A wimpy hockey dad)
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As a former hockey mom in North Carolina, you are wiseto opt out of the over hyped sports culture.
While I don't live in Canada, I am pretty far north and hockey is just as huge here as where you are. I have two young boys, ages 6 and 9, and while they both play hockey, I agree with many of your comments. My kids wanted to from a very young age and hubby and I were both completely against it because of costs and time restraints, however after enough begging their grandfather pitched in and got them signed up and the necessary equipment. And to get them both on the ice with league fees and USED equipment was about $1500 total. And I put my foot down about a lot of issues right from the beginning. If homework isn't done, you don't go to hockey. Period. School comes first. The league schedules practice for my youngest every now and then from 7:30 to 8:30 on a school night and I refuse to allow it. It is too late and he will simply miss. They are each allowed to do one (1) out of town tournament per season, and that is it. (my oldest's team is going to three this year, and my youngest will have two) I refuse to allow a credit card company to own me for the sake of hockey. And I won't blow our savings for the sake of it either. My children will grow up understanding that there are higher priorities in life than hockey, and that they are not going to the NHL, so you better get good grades. Which is another stipulation, grades drop, hockeys stops, period. In our league they both have 2 practices during the week and 2 games on the weekends. So, yes, it is busy, much busier than some other leagues sound from reading comments on here.
It has its positives too, I won't argue that either, but it needs to be put into perspective and kept in check....just like any thing else in life. (and no, I don't consider myself a hockey mom....I am the farthest thing from it!)
I had to come back to this website to share a story with you all. My youngest son, Cole, age 6, had a game last weekend, and his best friend Elliot was the opposing team's rotating goalie for the night. Elliot had an awful time in net, and my son was going to him regularly to give him encouraging words. Low and behold, my son had a wide open shot and had to take it. Of course it went in (only because he desperately didn't want it too!) and instead of celebrating with his team, he went over and gave his friend a pat on the back and stood there talking to him. After the game, Cole's grandpa was teasing him a little about being to nice to the opposing team's goalie, and my son looked at him and said "Papa, it's just a game. Elliot is my friend and I didn't want him to be sad alone!" I could have cried on the spot. I guess, lesson learned, in some respects, even at the age of 6, they are smarter than we think. That made all of the running and headaches of the last season worth every minute of it, and I have to remind him of his big heart as he grows and competition gets stiffer.
Just thought a warm story is always worth sharing.
wow, your very misguided in your beliefs about playing hockey as a young kid.
I have to stay that most of these comments disturb me. What is so bad about playing hockey, or any sport for that matter.
No one is forcing you to feed the NHL. It also makes me so sad that you throw out the assumption the Jocks are jerks. How biased are you to all those boys and girls, who are polite, well behaved kids who simply enjoy a sport that you may not like.
I grew up in the arena, since the age of 3. (a girl playing ringette, but I was there)
I learn many valuble life lessons. Dedication, teamwork, social skills, etc.
Sure there may be some parents who hope that their kid goes pro and lives their dream, but is wrong to assume all hockey parents are like that. There was no chance of me going pro in the arena, my parents were there for me every step of the way. Encouraging me, never forcing me. It is not the sport that is negative it is ecah individual parent or players attitude that may make it that way for then.
My parents allowed me the opportunity to expolre any activity I choose, athletically or not.
Myself now being a mother of 2 boys will do the same. I will not be so selfish as to inforce my views on physical activity. If they choose hockey, I will be in that arena everyday supporting them, if they choose chess I will be at every match, even though I may have no clue how to play, if they choose to be on the dabate team I will be there too. Heck, whos to say they can't do all 3 of those.
Well said Tan. I couldn't agree with you more. I found the majority of the comments on this topic disturbing as well.
Tan:
The reason I wrote this article is that the people behind OneGoal were suggesting it is the duty of Canadian parents to enroll their children in hockey. I don't think it is my duty to do so and I think those that suggest it is are overlooking the drawbacks of hockey.
I too will support my children in what they want to do and I will certainly encourage physical activity. So far though, my children prefer hiking, swimming, yoga and things like that to team sports that glorify violence, put us on a schedule, and eat into our savings. I'm happy about that and don't feel I owe it to my country to enroll them in hockey.
where do you get your name from???
Which name? The name of this blog?
If so, I explained that in this post: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/11/13/your-burning-questions/
Tan ...a kids song about bones attached to each other and really I don't look anything like a Johnny
I tend to lean on the side of PhD...where hockey is involved. There is a certain mentality that pervades this sport. We live near a very small village where it is nothing but hockey hockey hockey. My daughters are mastering figure skating, which is much more skilled and even intellectual in many ways, the local figure skating program no longer exists and we have to drive to a bigger town to get ice time. We have been kicked out of change rooms by mannerless nine-year-old hockey bullies. They stride down the corridors chanting their 'win-win' like a group of sheep, they have individual choice NOT to do this. They are taught to be MORE important than anyone else, that hockey is it. Well...what is hockey exactly? You power skate down the ice and try to hit the puck with a stick. You never learn anything else. It is not a sport "for the masses'...for people who have no deep intellect, appreciation of anything finer or more difficult.....it is 'power in numbers'....that is all.....it is a pack sport for boys and jockey little girls....I have seen them...and the moms who tend to be aggressive and have this sense of entitlement that reall is not deserved....they do not own the ice rink. Figure skaters, curlers, etc. also pay high fees and don't deserve to be walked all over. We as Canadians love figure skating too, and hockey is falling out of favour because there are also a lot of smart, talented kids who choose this more civilized, beatiful, highly challenging bot physically and artistically sport where learning and reaching your peak and developing can take years...it involves artistry and enormous physical skill....far more than hockey. I have seen the hockey 4-year olds racing down the ice and falling many times, crashing into boards, whereas the begininng figure skaters already have more control and a sense of artistry, they are far more gentle and aware of the great potential of skating. Maybe the reason for the Battle of the Blades is that hockey just ain't enough no more....Canada is evolving.
Live with it!
meant to say: the kids in the hockey team DON'T HAVE THE CHOICE not to chant the slogans and stride aggressively around as a pack or whatever else the pack mentality dictates. Don't have the choice....typing too fast!
Also... THAT HOCKEY IS VERY MUCH A SPORT FOR THE MASSES....COMMON ENTERTAINMENT BUT LITTLE SUBSTANCE BEHIND IT. I BELIEVE IT PEAKED A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO AND WITH CANADIAN SENSIBLILITIES CHANGING IT WILL LIKELY DECLINE EVEN MORE.
meant to say: the kids in the hockey team DON'T HAVE THE CHOICE not to chant the slogans and stride aggressively around as a pack or whatever else the pack mentality dictates. Don't have the choice....typing too fast!
Also... THAT HOCKEY IS VERY MUCH A SPORT FOR THE MASSES....COMMON ENTERTAINMENT BUT LITTLE SUBSTANCE BEHIND IT. I BELIEVE IT PEAKED A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO AND WITH CANADIAN SENSIBLIITIES CHANGING IT WILL LIKELY DECLINE EVEN MORE.
meant to say: the kids in the hockey team DON'T HAVE THE CHOICE not to chant the slogans and stride aggressively around as a pack or whatever else the pack mentality dictates. Don't have the choice....typing too fast!
Also... THAT HOCKEY IS VERY MUCH A SPORT FOR THE MASSES....COMMON ENTERTAINMENT BUT LITTLE SUBSTANCE BEHIND IT. HOCKEY PEAKED A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO AND WITH CANADIAN SENSIBILITIES CHANGING INTEREST IN IT WILL LIKELY DECLINE EVEN MORE.
Again, I say I do not consider myself a hockey mom, however I must say that there are some comments that you, D.r.E., made regarding hockey that I don't agree with. To say that they learn nothing from the sport is a bit skewed, wouldn't you say? They are learning team work, first and foremost. They are learning how to work together with their team mates, and that if you don't work together it doesn't work at all. They are also gaining friendships that will last a long time, at least through the length of their school years. And it actually is a sport that does require some intellect, believe it or not. There are rules involved in the game and they have to learn to not only follow them, but how to think ahead in order to avoid breaking those rules. They are also learning humility in losing, how to win with class, and the fact that everyone can't be the one to make the game winning goal. That helping your team get there is just as important as the one that actually puts it in the net. They are also learning dedication as well as time-management skills, that as you grow in life, are a necessity to making it.
Your attitude isn't a very kind one, (would that be a "figure skating mom"?) and the comment you made "and the moms who tend to be aggressive and have this sense of entitlement that really is not deserved…." makes you just as bad as the parents you claim to hate. You really need to open your mind up and realize that everyone deserves equal respect at the rink, figure skaters, curlers, and hockey players. Not just your kids.
i SAID the sport is limited, not that you don't learn anything.
and sometimes there's teamwork but there's just as much rivalry and pettiness, as in any team or sport. And getting into the NHL is as much for PERSONAL gain (and big bucks) as it is for some team. Players can switch teams and have no more fondness for their fellow players as anyone in any other team sport.
and yes, the moms that are involved in hockey ARE more rude, whereas those that take their kids to figure skating (and maybe other sports), are much nicer. (I know, I also had kids in hockey for a few years, it is based on observation and experience).
And, that would be the problem. Hockey kids don't give others the respect they deserve. I witnessed some boys picking on another boy who was a figure skater. these were hockey kids. So where is the respect?
"i SAID the sport is limited, not that you don’t learn anything." Um, Really?
"for people who have no deep intellect, appreciation of anything finer or more difficult". "You power skate down the ice and try to hit the puck with a stick. You never learn anything else."
Yeah, that is exactly what you said in your original post. Direct quotes from you.
My summation of it is that you pretty much said that hockey players are total idiots and that there is nothing to be gained from the sport. I beg to differ. I listed the things I feel my children have learned from playing the sport.
And I am sure that there are little figure skaters (or curlers, or basketball players, or whatever sport you choose to pick on) that has little brats involved who's parents don't teach them that everyone has a right to enjoy their individual extra curricular choices. Those kinds of people are everywhere in this world, not just at the hockey rink lady. Too many children these days don't know the meaning of the word respect. That is not something you can blame on a sport. To think that is a problem that only occurs in a very small slice of the world is just plain ignorant. Open your eyes and look around you. Ever see a disrespectful little brat at the mall? So are all shoppers are little jerks? That is exactly what you are saying about all hockey players. That they are all little brats, because of what you saw at your very isolated, very remote rink. Surely you can see the ignorance of your words. But then again, maybe not.
To read your posts, one could say that all figure skaters are stuck up snobs that think they are a step above everyone else. But I wouldn't generalize all figure skaters into one category based on the words of one person. Nor based on something I may have seen at one rink. It's a big world out there lady, and there is always someone who pushes their weight around, no matter what sport it may be. Again I will say to you that you really need to open your mind up and realize that everyone deserves equal respect at the rink, figure skaters, curlers, and hockey players.
And yes, I do take personal offense to your comments. My kids are raised to be respectful, and have manners, and to have sympathy and empathy towards others. If my kids were giving a figure skater a hard time at the rink for any reason, it would be the last time they would ever step foot in that rink, because it would be unacceptable and they know it. But they wouldn't do that, because that's not how they have been raised.
Yes, that is what they learn! It is a common sport, it always has been. Perhaps you think it is a profound sport.
Yes, I can see you take personal offence.
However, there is a large contingent of people out there who have also been offended by certain aspects of the 'hockey world'. I tried to remain neutral until I experienced both sides of the coin (hockey/figure skating). I am sure it is not every kid, or every parent, but it has been my experience that the manners and respect you speak of often run short at the rink!! I have not seen too many of that.....
I am sure that many think the same of figure skaters, but it has not been my experience.
As for opening my eyes, well, I will try....if you do.
I have one son out of 3 who loves hockey and finally he is on track with his freinds , 'last or second year Atom division' ,because he only started in Novice as an over age .He only has 1 goal and 1 assist so far for the year but he's in the middle of the pack. My youngest son age four wants to follow in his tracks but won't put on skates so we'll se where that goes , and the 8 year old likely will never play because you do one offensive thing to him he will pummel you into the earth , so he would be famous for penalty minutes, or even moreso get kicked off the ice for the season . The main point I'm tryig to make here is a Bantam game I watched a week ago . There are two girls on the team to make up for lack of players on the team , and for the most part they are pretty good, but for some reason the girls were getting pounded into the boards and collapsing from the impact , and skating off to recover numerous times, finally one of the girls was racing behind her net to get the puck , and the much faster boy on the opposing team following behind her , decided to lay his full wait into her, boarding her , and sending her body flipping end over end high in the air above his head . He was thrown off the ice for the rest of the game , and so were the coaches . Talking with the girls after the game , I came to realize that at that age boys don't care that you are a girl playing a tough sport , and really , don't care for girls playing at all and they show it .Even the conversation on and off the ice between Atom kids is a real eye opener when it comes to competitivness using violence.
My kids are raised to be respectful, and have manners, and to have sympathy and empathy towards others. If my kids were giving a figure skater a hard time at the rink for any reason, it would be the last time they would ever step foot in that rink, because it would be unacceptable and they know it. But they wouldn’t do that, because that’s not how they have been raised.
really , I sincerely doubt it respect sympathy and empathy are circumstantial just like battling in the corner or defending your goalie infront of your net isn"t
Hi JohnnyKneeBone,
Thanks, you say it so much better than I do.
Anyways, seems my experiences have offended a certain someone. A certain someone who claims not to be a true hockey mom. Hmmmm....... Guess I'm not allowed to say anything cause I may have hit a spot of truth somewhere......
D.r.E.
Dr.E
really I can't make up my mind whether I hate hockey or like it . I'm pretty pathetic because I always cheer for the underdog team . I shoot pucks in the back yard for exercise and let off some steam , but seldom do I tie my sons skates or carry his equipment but I'm usually there with the camera during home games and rarely travel to his out of town games . Sometimes I watch games and other times I couldn't be bothered .Hockey and football are so big here saying anything against hockey is almost a sin and punishable by execution so to speak (not literally). Quite a number of kids play hockey just to be accepted here . A good number of the kids who play hockey are little assholes especially the girls... not all but about a 3rd of them are . It also seems as though 100% of the best female players are total little bitches and about half of the best boys are little assholes, or the male version of little bitches . Some of the parents are unbelievably pathetic it kind of makes you feel like acting like them just for a moment to straighten them out a little , and the worst parents are not from the opposing team , they are from your own team . There are alot of sad aspects to hockey and one thing it does to people is turns those creative animal predatory instincts on, even of those who seem polite and passive . I love to hate loving hockey . I'm past tense skier growing up around the big 3 Norquay , Sunshine and Lake Lousie .
It is not that your experiences have offended me, what offended me was you lumping all children that enjoy the sport into one group labelled "Assholes". That is what offended me. You do not know my children, therefore you have no right to judge them. Period.
As I stated before, I do not consider myself a hockey mom. I do not sit with other, very obnoxious parents during games, I will not go into debt for the sport, and they do miss (gasp!) a practice or a game if we have something planned that takes priority. Our lives do not revolve around hockey and I refuse to let it. And while I agree that there are little brats at the rink that deserve a talking down, at the very least, there are little brats everywhere. No matter what extra curricular you choose to pick on, you could find some little brats within it to point your finger at. But not all of them deserve that, and who are you to assume they do? And I do believe that my kids have learned something from being in the program. They have changed and they have grown within it, even though you have the opinion that they are little neandrathals unable to form a real sentence. My point to you, was to open your mind and not lump all people into one category. Just seems rather closed minded to me.
hey!, we have something in common! , I don't sit with other parents either, good or bad, I'm not into the blah blah blah , and most are younger than me . Granted the word brats is politically correct for little bitches and assholes... or the male version of little bitches . No they are not neandrathals at least until they hit Bantam or Midget and during PeeWee they exercise their long awaited right to act accordingly , which many have yearned for for several years . Alot of these kids are not stupid and infact can more than string two sentences together very well , some of them are at the top of their class at school .
Obviously you have never sat in the locker room and listened to conversation and likely your kids are far too afraid of you to replay some of those conversations . Practice is about hard work and discipline but really the coach only wants to win and will lie to you and follow the minor hockey rules to please the hierarchy you being part of that , pratice is important because the reality is during a game kids top out at about 20 minutes per game and only carry the puck in their possession for about 60 seconds total within a 60 minute game . Even NHL players don't carry the puck for more than that amount of time . It's an unfar sport and kids don't get treated very well , and if anything kids learn the ugly realities of life through mostly battle and intimidation . I'm sorry you feel offended that isn't my intention , infact I'd like you to see some middle ground reality . Go to youtube and type in Jordan TooToo . TOLERANCE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN TEACH IN HOCKEY or FAIR PLAY you can only toss kids off the ice for being disobedient bullies for so long , AND team sports ?... well , that's more about learning pecking orders the hard way .School of hard knocks so to speak .
You should be a writer!
I am deathly afraid of skiing, since I made the acquaintance of one too many trees, but I find it fascinating that everyone's sense of 'fear' is different! I guess cause I never grew up with it.
I enjoyed reading your latest post/reply. Now I don't feel so bad about having written mine.
Lacrosse! Canada's official sport :)
hmmm. i missed the article.
but i have an opinion.
and i am not a good sport parent. my oldest boy prefers books to pucks and i am thrilled with that. big time. hanging in chapters is way more fun than hanging out in an arena.
how do i know this?
because my daughter is the hockey player in this house.
and while i will never fall into the category of hockey jacket wearing, game screaming hockey mom...i have quietly turned into a parent who supports their kid in a sport that they love. we did not chose it for her. we chose skiing. a civilized, independent sport the whole family can enjoy;).
at 7? she abandoned it for skates, frost on the glass and the smell of timmies in the morning.
and we let her.
and yes, my hockey loving husband, who never harboured dreams of the NHL but does love his Habs ferverently, was/is/will always be thrilled and proud of his ice pounding daughter.
and there is much good in what she has learned over the last six years in a good, level headed house league girls program.
crazy? nope.
detrimental influence??? absolutely not.
time commitment? yes. but no more than any other sport we have looked at. we organize our family around family, and hockey does not control the schedule.
violent? not girls. i can not speak to boys hockey. i can speak more to NHL hockey, which is unacceptable...but my kid does not play in the NHL. nor do i expect her to pull a lindsay lohan despite also loving drama and acting. what my kid sees on the television does not translate onto the ice for her.
expensive? it can be. but we do second hand most of the time, so it is reasonable. and we do not ever buy a whole new set of equipment every year, far from it. and my kid grows. fast.
pompous jerks,lol? um. are we talking high school? i don't remember. i went to a girl's school so maybe i managed to miss the whole jock thing. there are bookie jerks everywhere and lots of nice athletic types in my life;).
and again, i never thought i would ever be in a position of *defending* hockey...it is almost painful in some ways...but hockey, in our humble canadian household, has been a positive activity.
but i still don;t want ot be labelled a hockey mom;)
maybe just hockey friendly...
Oh my gosh - that is the sweetest thing I think I have ever read. What a great boy you have there. You must be SO very proud!
I feel the same way. I do not want to be a hockey mom. Most especially hockey. I have 2 boys & while I do want them to play some organized sports - soccer, baseball. Or skiing or golf - a more social sport. I do not want any part of football, hockey, lacrosse.
I played hockey for 14 years, my husband played hockey. I come from a hockey playing family. But I do NOT want my kids to play hockey.
There may still be places where the comraderie & playing the game just to play the game still exist. But those places are few and far between. Just this past winter alone my husband read me article after article of hockey horror. When I was pregnant with my first son (now 3) he read me an article about Peewee players having Fight Clubs in the dressing rooms & the coaches KNEW about it & did absolutely nothing to stop it. NOTHING. I was literally sick to my stomach. It was horrifying.
So NO my kids will be greatly discouraged from playing hockey. They can play outside for fun, but really I don't want them involved in organized hockey. Nothing to do with time or money, but the horrifying "hockey" parents that DO exist. No, not every parent is one, so please don't get all pissy with me people, but they exist. They existed when I played over 20 years ago & they've only gotten worse.
What will I do if they ask, I don't know, but I'll try to put them off. If they are persistant, then I guess we'll give it a go. But I'm hoping to steer them into a different direction.
For once its nice to read funny comments left on a blog post rather than malicious ones! Thanks. :) And thanks PHD for being brave enough to post this. We live in Aus and I have stated: NO RUGBY! My husband is Canadian, so I said he can play ice hockey (Knowing full well that its not popular here :))
this made me laugh. gotta love capricious use of "commie" rotfl.
I think putting children in sports teams for the purpose of directing them towards a future of "professional" sports playing as a career is a parents' vicarious pipe dream at best, a waste of a child's natural peacefulness and creativity at worst. Professional sports are wasteful, violent, excessive, and the amount of money spent on that form of "entertainment" is ridiculous.
Certainly, children should be encouraged to develop their natural, active selves. I'm all for self-directed non competitive sports. Things like hiking, running, biking, swimming, yoga. Great! But there is no need for my children to be in degrading, violent, competitive "team" sports.
It takes a strong parent to stand up to the pressures of team sports; I support you, Annie.
[...] Annie of PhD in Parenting wrote a post that helped me crystalize my own reservations – read it here, because it’s worth seeing the other side even if you’re a rabid hockey [...]
My kids are my life, I have 4, and I enjoy all of them, and my life is them and it is filled mostly with sports. When they want to do something athletically it is accommodated: hockey, baseball, lacrosse, soccer….you name it. I had my childhood, I had my fun single years and now it's about them and making their lives as full and rich as possible. Your comment: "I’ll encourage my kids to participate in things that they enjoy, in things that will not completely take over our family’s lives.." wreaks of the typical self centred parents I can't stand, who desperately try and pretend they are still the same people they were before they had kids; trying to continue on with the same activities and lifestyle, desperately trying to not be inconvenienced by their offspring. I chose to make my kids my life and to give them every opportunity to explore life. But waiting to put your child in hockey till they ask can often be too late, since most children start at 4 & 5, and if you wait till they are older they are often so far behind that a sport they may have loved becomes a source of discouragement. This is not a situation specific to hockey; soccer, lacrosse, baseball etc. are no different. This is part of a parent’s responsibility, to identify issues like this, recognize them and make choices for children at times. It's called being an adult and knowing that kids don’t know what is best for them, which is why they don’t pick out the family car, elect politicians and invest your money. When a parent says: "hockey is a big commitment", all they are really saying is: "hockey is really inconvenient for me."
All you women on this blog need to remember that your little boys will some day have to become men, and you need to give them the tools to be strong independent men, you are doing them a disservice by raising them as if the male spirit is something woman can parent out of boys. All your son's will eventually become men, not because of you, but despite you. The hand of a parent is an easier rudder, then the scorn and redicule of a social group.
"if necessary pull my kids out of any sport where the parents on the sidelines (and likely their kids on the ice/field/court) were acting like idiots".....if you pull your kids out every situation in which other kids are acting like idiots, you may as well never let them out of the house.
Kids socialize each other, and no matter what you do, when those kids are at school full-time, the primary socialization is happening in the school yard, and what do most kids do in the school yard at recess, play sports. But you probably home school your kids, that way they can be completely trapped in a bubble.
Your kids are what you make them, you impose your values and beliefs on them and they reflect that. Acting like they are making the choice to not play competive sports is just rediculous. Its the same as rasing them in a Catholic home, and then espousing how happy you are that they haven't converted to Islam. Typical self centred parenting at its finest, made all the more sad by the righteousness of your ignorance.
WE GET IT, YOU LIKE FIGURE SKATING.
Who said we're talking about boys specifically? The picture that accompanied this post (which is unfortunately no longer available) was of a girls hockey team. But I don't think my son needs hockey to make him a man any more than my daughter needs ballet classes to make her a woman.
Jason -- if you think I'm self-centred, you certainly don't know me and haven't read much of this blog. I'm not talking about going to the spa instead of taking my kids to hockey practice. I am talking about prioritizing activities that we can enjoy as a family and, when my kids do sign up for activities (which they do), helping them to choose ones that won't prevent them from being able to do the other things they enjoy. I don't want to be the parent who has to say "you can't go to Jimmy's birthday party because you have hockey practice" or "we can't go camping because of your tournament schedule" or "we can't afford a family vacation because your sports cost so much".
I love that we get to do a wide variety of meaningful activities as a family because we are not tied down by the schedule and budget imposed by hockey.