Co-Sleeping Safety
Sunday, January 11, 2009 As a follow-up to my post on the benefits of co-sleeping, I wanted to write a post about co-sleeping safety. I think this is important because too many people either believe that it is unsafe and therefore avoid it at all costs or they don't think twice about safety and can end up putting their baby's life at risk. Co-sleeping can be safe, but it can also be very unsafe.
Is Co-Sleeping Safe?
There is a war on co-sleeping. Public institutions (sometimes in partnership with crib manufacturers) are spending our tax dollars to scare parents from bringing their babies to bed with them. The media is using fear inducing headlines and horror stories to garner readership. But here is the thing. Saying that co-sleeping is dangerous is like saying that riding in a car is dangerous. There is no way to make car travel completely safe, but no method of travel is completely safe. Most reasonable people take precautions to make car travel as safe as possible, but some idiots do stupid things like drinking and driving, not wearing a seat belt, driving too fast, or not putting their children in car seats. It is the same thing with infant sleep. Babies do die in their parents' beds. But they also die in cribs. There is no way to make either one completely safe, but co-sleeping is not inherently more dangerous than crib sleeping. In fact, when looking at the statistics on infant deaths in various sleep environments one researcher concluded that sleeping in an adult bed is twice as safe as sleeping in a crib once all factors have been considered (to be fair, other researchers have reached other conclusions, but I have yet to see a study that properly accounts for all risk factors when comparing the safety of crib sleeping with the safety of co-sleeping).
Does SIDS happen in the parents' bed?
One of the claims often made about co-sleeping is that it increases the risk of SIDS. However, several studies by McKenna and others in the 1990s showed that co-sleeping actually helps prevent SIDS (see p. 124 of Natural Parenting - Back to Basics in Infant Care):
The sensory-rich sleep environment of bed sharing, which leads to more frequent arousals during deep sleep and more light sleep, from which it is easier for the infant to arouse, appears to confer a survival advantage for children at risk of SIDS (McKenna, 1996; McKenna and Mosko, 1990; McKenna et al., 1993).
Other research reported in the same article also indicates that societies where mother-infant co-sleeping is the norm have a low incidence of SIDS in comparison with countries that practice solitary infant sleep. In fact, SIDS used to be called "crib death" (until the crib industry complained) because the place that SIDS deaths happened was in cribs and it was virtually unheard of in societies that do not use cribs.
What about suffocation or overlaying?
Many of the publications and articles designed to scare parents away from co-sleeping suggest that there is a great risk of suffocation or overlaying. However, research shows that it is not co-sleeping itself, but rather other factors present in the co-sleeping environment that create this danger (from page 125 of Natural Parenting - Back to Basics in Infant Care):
While infant suffocation as a result of overlying by the parent in a bed sharing environment is not unheard of, unsafe conditions such as parental intoxication with drugs or alcohol, parental disease, extreme parental fatigue, or marked parental obesity have been found to be present in many of these cases (Bass, Kravath, and Glass, 1986; Gilbert-Barness et al., 1991; see also Carpenter et al., 2004; Gessner, Ives, and Perham-Hester, 2001).
In fact, when unsafe conditions are not present, mothers and infants are able to respond to each other, thereby keeping the infant safe (from Dr. James McKenna):
Anthropological and developmental studies suggest that mothers and infants are designed to respond to the presence of the other, and no data have ever shown that among mother-baby pairs who cosleep for breast feeding in a safe cosleeping/bed-sharing environment that mothers are unable to sense the proximity of their babies in order to avoid smothering them. Our own laboratory sleep studies of cosleeping/bed-sharing mothers infant pairs (2 to 4 month olds) reveal that both breast feeding mothers and their infants are extremely sensitive throughout their night - across all sleep stages - to the movements and physical condition of the other. The healthy infant, which includes most infants, are able to detect instances, where for example, their air passages are blocked. They can respond very effectively to alert the mother to potential danger, and they have the physical skills to maneuver out of danger, under normal circumstances.
Normal circumstances is the key here. Normal circumstances means a safe co-sleeping environment.
What about newborns?
A few studies have found that there is some increased risk of co-sleeping for very young infants (under 8 weeks in one case and under 11 weeks in another case). However, like many other studies that advise against co-sleeping, these studies didn't fully account for factors other than bed sharing that could have been the key contributing factor (e.g. alcohol use, drug use, smoking, maternal fatigue). From my experience and reading, the issue of maternal fatigue probably comes about most often in cases where families are not co-sleeping, but end up bringing their baby into bed with them out of sheer exhaustion due to the fact that their baby is not sleeping in the crib. These parents are not used to co-sleeping and that combined with their over-exhausted state and likely a sleep environment not designed for an infant, creates additional risk factors. As such, bringing a baby into bed with you when you are exhausted and not used to having the baby there is not advisable, but that doesn't make co-sleeping with newborns in unsafe when parents plan for it appropriately.
Despite the faults in reports that advise against co-sleeping with newborns, I think it makes sense to be particularly cautious about the safety of the co-sleeping environment in the early weeks when you are less accustomed to sleeping with a baby and when your baby is not yet able to roll over or free himself if he gets into an unsafe situation.
What is Unsafe Co-Sleeping?
People are going to co-sleep. Some babies just do not sleep well unless they are in close proximity to or even touching their mother. So rather than have a mother shamefully sneak her baby into bed with her, into an unsafe environment, I think public health authorities should be informing parents about how to create a safe co-sleeping environment. Since they won't do that, I'll give it my best shot using information from experts in this field.
- DO NOT drink alcohol, do drugs or take medication: It is very important to ensure that nothing is impairing your ability to sense your baby's presence in bed. This means abstaining from alcohol before going to bed, not doing drugs and not taking medication.
- DO NOT smoke: Smoking poses a significant risk for babies (in terms of SIDS and increased chance of asthma and other conditions) and parents should not smoke in the room that the baby is sleeping in and ideally not at all in the home.
- DO NOT let a baby sleep next to an older child, pet, or adult that is not likely to sense the baby's presence: The person most in tune with the baby is a breastfeeding mother. Formula feeding mothers and fathers are less likely to sense their child's presence and should be more cautious about their co-sleeping arrangements. It is not safe to have a baby sleep with older children or pets as they can easily compromise the baby's safety.
- DO NOT use heavy adult bedding: Blankets, duvets, pillows and other adult bedding pose a suffocation risk to your baby. Ideally, all adult bedding should be removed from the bed during the early months and only introduced with extreme caution as the baby gets older. Remember that for crib sleeping, it is recommended that babies be put to bed with nothing more than a light baby blanket, so it is safest not to exceed that in your bed either. Both the parents and baby should be dressed warmly enough (but not too warm!) that they do not require additional heavy blankets to keep them warm. A lot of parents that feel they cannot go without any blanket choose to use a sheet or light blanket and only pull it up to their waist and then have baby sleep up higher away from the blanket (of course you need to consider when doing this whether you are the type of sleeper that would subconsciously pull that blanket up to your chin in your sleep).
- DO NOT let baby sleep on surfaces such as soft mattresses and waterbeds: Soft mattresses, squishy pillow top mattresses, memory foam, and waterbeds can all result in the baby sinking into the sleep surface and potentially obstructing the baby's ability to breathe. As a result, it is not safe to have an infant sleep on these surfaces.
- DO NOT let baby sleep anywhere that has crevices or spaces where the baby can get stuck: Adult beds are designed for adults and not for babies. This is too bad, considering that upwards of 70% of parents bring their baby to bed with them at some point. As a result, it is important to be cautious of any crevices or other spaces where the baby could get stuck. Ensure that the bed is flush with the wall (if pushed up against the wall) and ensure that there are no spaces between the mattress and headboard where the baby could get caught.
- DO NOT co-sleep on surfaces other than beds/mattresses: Sleeping on a couch or recliner is not safe. It is too easy for the baby to fall off or get stuck or smothered.
- DO NOT leave your baby alone on an adult bed unless the bed and room are completely safe: Some parents will choose to use a crib or bassinet when they are not sleeping with their baby (e.g. for naps, early in the evening, etc.). Some parents choose not to have a crib or other separate sleep surface and therefore need to ensure that the bed and room are completely safe, i.e. the baby cannot fall to the floor, cannot get into anything that is dangerous if exploring the room, etc. We also found using a baby monitor turned up very high and checking on the baby if we heard any noise at all provided additional security.
- BE CAUTIOUS about your impact on your baby: I explained above that breastfeeding mothers are very unlikely to overlay or otherwise hurt their baby. However, certain behaviours or characteristics of the mother can make this risk greater. People who are extremely overweight should ensure that they do not create a dip in the mattress that could create an unsafe crevice that the baby could roll into. Excessively long-hair should be tied back to prevent entanglement around the baby's neck. Parents should ensure that they do not wear clothing or jewelry that could cause the baby to suffocate or get entangled. Parents should not wear perfumes or other scented products to bed, as this can impact baby's ability to breathe clearly.
- BE CAUTIOUS about your extreme exhaustion: Parents of newborns can often be extremely exhausted. If you are overly tired, you may wish to be more cautious than usual as your extreme exhaustion may result in you being less easily woken or more likely to roll over the baby or pull covers up over the baby's head. It may be best to have your baby sleep on a separate surface in those instances, but still close by.
- DO NOT co-sleep if you and your spouse are not both committed to doing it and doing it safely: In order for co-sleeping to work and to be safe, both parents need to be committed to making it work. Dr. McKenna also advises that parents be sure that they would not think they had suffocated their baby if their baby did die of unknown causes (i.e. SIDS) in their bed. While it is unlikely, just like a baby can die of SIDS in a crib it could potentially happen in the parents' bed too and Dr. McKenna advises that parents should be sure they would not blame themselves or their spouse if something did happen to the baby.
How To Create a Safe Co-Sleeping Environment
Dr. James J. McKenna defines a safe sleep environment as follows:
Infants should sleep on firm surfaces, clean surfaces, in the absence of smoke, under light (comfortable ) blanketing and their heads should never be covered. The bed should not have any stuffed animals or pillows around the infant and never should an infant be placed to sleep on top of a pillow. Sheepskins or other fluffy material and especially bean bag mattresses should never be used. Water beds can be dangerous, too, and always the mattresses should tightly intersect the bed-frame. Infants should never sleep on couches or sofas, with or without adults wherein they can slip down (face first) into the crevice or get wedged against the back of a couch.
Since adult beds and adult sleep environment are rarely made with infants in mind, there are a number of things parents should consider doing to turn an adult bed into a safe co-sleeping environment.
- Have the infant sleep between the breastfeeding mother and a wall/bedrail: The breastfeeding mother is the one most able to sense and respond to the infant. As a result, the safest place for the infant is between the breastfeeding mother and either a wall, bedrail, or other product designed to ensure that the infant doesn't fall out of bed.
- Dress warmly, but not too warm: When sleeping with my children as babies, I always wore a long-sleeved shirt so that I didn't feel the need for a blanket to keep my upper body warm. I would dress my baby in pyjamas and a sleep sack if required, depending on the temperature.
- Consider putting the mattress on the floor: Putting the mattress on the floor is the safest way to co-sleep. This ensures that the infant doesn't sustain a fall from an adult bed and also takes away the worry about unsafe headboards and other bed parts. However, you still need to ensure that the mattress is placed flush against the wall and that there is no way for the infant to be trapped between the mattress and the wall.
- Preventing falls: There are a number of safety products that can be us
- Creating more space: Many parents wish to create some extra space for the baby within their sleep environment. This can be achieved in a number of ways. If you have purchased a crib, one option is to side car the crib. One family that did this due to the father's obstructive sleep apnea created detailed instructions including step-by-step photos on how to side-car the crib. Some parents may choose to purchase a co-sleeper that attaches to the bed, such as the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper that attaches to the side of the bed. Another option that doesn't create more space, as such, but that does create a seperate space for the baby is the First Years Close & Secure Sleeper. We used this product at the start with our son until we were more aware of his presence in the bed. The disadvantage of products like these is that the baby often outgrows them quickly.
- Filling in spaces: If you do find that there is a gap between your mattress and the wall when you push the bed up against the wall, you may wish to consider filling it with high density foam that is cut to size and that fills the space completely. Another option many parents use is rolled up blankets.
- Think carefully about co-sleeping with more than one child: Additional precautions are required when co-sleeping with an infant and an older child. Most importantly, the infant should not be placed to sleep next to the older child as that child could roll over, push, or otherwise hurt the baby. Often the best arrangement is for the older child to sleep in between the parents and for the baby to sleep between the mother and the wall or bed rail. Parents may also want to consider if they need additional space. Some families will use a California king mattress and others will use one of the tips in under the "creating more space" bullet to give everyone enough room to sleep comfortably.
Further Reading
- Safe Sleeping With Your Baby - The Latest Research (Dr. Sears)
- How the Stats Really Stack Up: Cosleeping is Twice as Safe (Tina Kimmel, Mothering Magazine)
- Guidelines to Sleeping Safe with Infants (Dr. James J. McKenna)
- Cosleeping and overlaying/suffocation: Is there a chance I'll roll over and crush my child? (Dr. James J. McKenna)
- Breastfeeding & Bedsharing Still Useful (and Important) after All These Years (Dr. James J. McKenna)
- Checklist for Safe Co-Sleeping (Elizabeth Pantley)
- Safer Sleep: Making Bed Sharing a Safer Option (Ann Douglas)
- Safe Infant Sleep (Attachment Parenting International)
- Top Ten Products for Co-Sleeping
- Co-Sleeper Product Reviews
Disclaimer
This information has been compiled based on the research that I have done for our family. Each family should do their own independent research to determine the safety of the sleep environment they are choosing for their family.
Reader Comments (97)
[...] up some guidelines of how to do it safely. http://www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/...bedleaflet.pdf http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/0...eeping-safety/ http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp [...]
[...] Sleeps between us, on his back, with his arms bent out and up like a little saguaro cactus. We love to watch that sweet boy sleep: his little mouth dreaming of milk, his little chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm, his little feet and right hand touching his mama, his little left hand extended to touch his papa. In the night, if he loses contact, he becomes restless, reaches out, finds us, and settles right back into sleep again. Oh, how we love that boy! (For safe ways to co-sleep, see this article.) [...]
[...] detailed guidelines on bed sharing and co-sleeping, I love PhD in Parenting’s extensive post Co-Sleeping Safety, and here are Ten Reasons to Sleep Next to Your Child at [...]
My son is very independent and couldn't care less whether he's in the crib or in bed with me (though, to be fair, the crib is right next to the bed and he does notice if no one's in the room with him). I choose to co-sleep because I'm breastfeeding and everyone just gets so much more sleep this way!
But the other day, he shuffled himself all the way down to the foot of the bed and fell off (he's 4months and can't crawl or anything - I don't even know how he managed to do this!). I woke up from hearing the thud and I got to him before he even started crying.
It scared the living daylights out of me.
As it happens, he was totally fine. There was a little red blotch on his head where it hit the floor and that lasted for a couple hours. He cried for under a minute and then immediately started tearing at my shirt to have his morning meal. That was it, incident forgotten.
By him, anyway. I'm still really shaken. We've been in the practice of putting him between my husband and I so that he can't roll off the bed to the sides (and, if one of us gets up early, our spot is replaced with pillows). But we never thought that he could make the trek all the way to the foot of the bed... I don't want to start cribbing him, because of the extra sleep everyone gets by having him on hand and because I sleep so much better when I can hear him breathing and hold his hand. But I'm terrified that he'll fall again and actually get hurt.
[...] Has a nice sleep pattern. He generally naps for an hour in the morning and a couple hours in the afternoon. He goes to bed shortly after it gets dark, whenever he is ready. As the light fades, we hang out in our room with only a nightlight on (so that he is not too stimulated by artificial light), playing or cuddling or walking around together. When he shows signs of sleepiness (heavy eyelids, rubbing eyes, putting his head to my shoulder and sucking his thumb), I nurse him, and he drops off to sleep quickly. Once I put him down, he usually rolls to his side. If he is alone, he sucks his thumb; if we are in bed with him, he puts his feet up on one of us. In the night, if he stirs, it is always either because he is hungry or wet. So, when he rolls from side to side at night, Matt changes any wet diapers, and I sit up in bed to feed him, usually 2-3 times a night. It’s not a disturbance, though. He does not fully wake for the feedings, so they go quickly (5-10 minutes) and soon we are both fast asleep again. (An aside: for light in the night, we use a backpacking LED head lamp fitted with a red filter, which preserves night vision and, helpfully, sleepiness.) For more information on safe co-sleeping (full time or part-time), see here. [...]
[...] do find yourself desiring to pull your baby into bed, I would encourage you to try it (but do it safely). You might be surprised at how much you actually enjoy it. And you’re definitely not [...]
[...] CAN safely cosleep. I won’t go into the circumstances of safe cosleeping – there are untold numbers of resources on the subject. I will say this: much as you arrange your crib for the safety [...]
[...] there are certain things you need to do to make your sleeping area appropriate for an infant (read this fantastic article by PHD in Parenting for info on co-sleeping safety), but that’s not what I’m talking [...]
I felt 100% the same way! Cosleeping meant the world to me during the first year of my baby's life, while I was working outside of the home. It meant that we had 8 extra hours a day to connect in a very deep way, and I can't imagine missing out on them.
Co-sleeping is not as safe as driving. Co-sleeping is much safer than putting your baby in a car ever. But no one keeps their baby out of cars.
[...] blog with some comments/info on [...]
[...] [...]
[...] är några bra länkar: - SIDS: The Latest Research on How Sleeping With Your Baby is Safe - Co-Sleeping Safety - Läs svaret på fråga #6 i den här länken (ja eller allt om du vill ^^): F.A.Q. på [...]
[...] info: Co-Sleeping Safety [...]
[...] great point brought up by PhD in Parenting is to avoid co-sleeping under conditions of extreme exhaustion – which is usually triggered by many tortured night feedings with an infant who is in another [...]
Thank you for this wonderful reply to Keith. Whenever I tell people I co sleep they say the same thing as Keith. "You better get them out of your bed as a baby or they will be sleeping with you as a child!" I agree with you Meagan, with patience and gentle guidance I transitioned my 2 children to their own beds around 2 years old. I currently only have one child in my bed.
Jane, it is ok to use a pillow and blanket as long as you make sure the pillow is not near baby's head and the blanket is not like a down comforter that will swallow your baby. I say that slightly tongue in cheek, but in all honesty, you can find safe ways to co sleep even in winter. It is amazing how much of a heater a baby's body is. When I snuggle with my baby I end up not needing as many blankets and use a light weight one anyways :)
As a bottle feeding mother, I'm pretty darned offended by this uninformed and stupid statement: "Formula feeding mothers and fathers are less likely to sense their child’s presence..."
I see that you're an advocate of breast feeding. Which is fine. But it seems like you're carrying am opinion common in Lactivists that bottle feeding moms are less aware of and selfish in regard to their children. It has been suggested that because there are different hormones released when vaginal birth occurs/breast feeding is successful that effect bonding and that children born by c-section/don't breast feed don't bond with moms properly. I unfortunately used to believe this and it had a detrimental effect on my ability to bond with my first child. I've had c-sections with both of my daughters and bottle fed them out of medical necessity in both cases.
My first experience was disappointing when I was compelled to have a c-section after months of practicing HypnoBirthing because of my baby's breech position. I had a very hard time bonding with her afterwards when I also couldn't breast feed. It was horrible and I felt responsible. I thought it was because of the section and the bottle feeding. I had my second baby by c-section on Sunday morning and have happily discovered that that was all CRAP. It was the unfortunate circumstances caused by the hospital staff and my own inexperience and lack of preparedness for recovery which caused this rift. This time, I was the first (and at this point almost only) person to feed my baby, change her diaper and care for her. It's completely different. I feel totally connected to her like I never have with any person. So those kinds of statements are just more unrealistic lies that make moms in non-deal situations feel like failures.
You should be embarrassed by what you said and consider changing it because it's insulting.
[...] what is safe co-sleeping? Annie at PhD in has great information in her post entitled “Co-Sleeping Safety“. I highly recommend reading it in its entirety if you are considering co-sleeping, or if [...]
[...] This one states, “Formula feeding mothers and fathers are less likely to sense their child’s presence and should be more cautious about their co-sleeping arrangements.” However, it doesn’t state a formula fed baby should NOT bed share. It simply warns parents to be more cautious. Personally, I feel if a child is breastfed at all, whether partially or fully, that physical awareness between mother/child is formed and ever-present. [...]
[...] say that co-bedding is absolutely safe or absolutely not safe. However, I do feel that there are safe ways to do things, and unsafe ways – just like choosing to wear a seatbelt or not wear a seatbelt when driving [...]
[...] do find yourself desiring to pull your baby into bed, I would encourage you to try it (but do it safely). You might be surprised at how much you actually enjoy it. And you’re definitely not [...]
OK, this question has been bugging me for a very long time. We have a memory foam topper - 2 inches, I think? - on top of our mattress. It's not so squishy as, say, a pillow-top and the mattress underneath is pretty hard. But just in case, with our daughter we initially did something like kangaroo care. I slept on my back, and she slept on her stomach on top of my chest. Once she hit about 4 months, I think, we moved her to sleeping on her back next to me, her head resting on my arm or shoulder.
Was that a safer choice? She's 2 1/2 now, so obviously if it was highly dangerous we dodged the bullet. ;-) But I'd still like to know for future children what would be best to do....
[...] Bed-Sharing and Co-Sleeping: Research Overview Dr. Sears Addresses Recent Co-Sleeping Concerns Co-Sleeping Safety [...]
In one of your posts you mention something about a time when suffocation risk is lowered. When is that exactly? Should I be following all the standard precautions with a 6 month old? Is there anything I can be more relaxed about? We are in a fairly cold climate with no indoor heating! But I really want to make sure I'm making the safest choices. Thank you!
Molly:
I don't think it is possible to give an exact age. If I was going to, I would say around 2 years.
In reality, in our house, I became a bit more relaxed about things when my kids were about one year old, because they were more mobile, they were bigger, and I felt more aware of their presence and aware of what I was doing at night (i.e. confident I wasn't going to pull the blanket up over my daughter's head subconsciously).
If I were you, I would sleep in warmer clothing, get a sleep sack for the baby, and keep the heavy bedding away for now.
I was initially against co-sleeping. I simply didn't believe it was safe - and that was a combination of reading all the 'research' about its dangers and looking at how tiny my baby was. That being said, I started co-sleeping around 4.5 months old. My baby goes through phases where nighttime closeness is needed. It normally lasts a few weeks at a time. She naps on her own without issue, but at night she's either in bed with me or in her cosleeper. My husband either sleeps next to us or on the floor. Initially I was all worried that she wouldn't be independent but honestly - who cares? She naps on her iwn, plays and sits alone without issue. My husband has insisted that we will evict her from our bed only when she's good and ready. My little one sleeps 10 hours and doesn't need to be held even when she co-sleeps. I'm still breastfeeding but she doesn't wake to nurse. I honestly think people need to just do what feels natural.
[...] and Co-Sleeping: Research Overview Dr. Sears Addresses Recent Co-Sleeping Concerns Co-Sleeping Safety Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in [...]
[...] things I did upon returning home from the hospital, in fact, was reread Annie’s article on co-sleeping safety at PhD in [...]
[...] mention that I think it important: It’s recommended that you should only bedshare with a baby if you are breastfeeding. Otherwise, mom and baby aren’t as tuned into each [...]
No it works on smaller breasts too ive beeb BF 8 months now and find the method you mentioned works fine for my baby and I as I like to keep him on one side of the bed so he doesn't roll to the floor ;)
For those a little hesitant of co-sleeping for safety reasons, my husband and I used something like this with our son: http://aroundmybabyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sleeper.jpg
It is totally safe and still provides the benefits of co-sleeping. I have also seen ones that attach to the bed.
Our baby is due any day now and after reading quite heavily on the subject of cosleeping, I really want to do it. My problem is that my partner smokes, very little but still smokes every day. He always washes before coming to bed however I am now concerned after reading a comment that the particles remain in the lungs and could harm baby. I wondered if this would still be an issue if the baby slept on my side only, or could the particles still travel? I also wonder how much it has affected me! I guess the only answer is for him to quit or sleep elsewhere...any advice would be appreciated.
I wanted to add a follow up on this. My kid is a year old and sleeping just fine in her own room. I didn't expect her to move on, but as she approached 9/10 months old and became more mobile, she started tossing like crazy in bed when she was next to us. She wasn't sleeping well and neither were we. As I was worried that she wasn't getting her sleep, I started moving her to her bed when she fell asleep. Before I knew it, I could take her to her room while she was sleepy, and she'd instantly fall asleep when I turned the lights off. I'm happy to say she now sleeps 12 hours a night in her own room without any kind of crazy night time rituals, stressful sleep training or crying it out methods. This was my tearless eviction of my baby.
This experience has led me to feel a few things...
I don't know if co-sleeping is what did the trick or not. I do feel that listening to her needs and not pushing her too hard helped. I was able to try her bedroom at different intervals until she got to a point where she was comfortable. I always ran to her room if she cried or fussed. I can only assume she began to realize that even if she was alone in a room, she wasn't really alone, because if she called for me I came. My friends all said she'd never leave our bed - but here we are with a one year old who sleeps an awesome 12 hours and doesn't loathe sleeping alone.
So I'm very confident that there are multiple ways to get your kid to sleep on their own.
Thanks for the article. As a result of my career I have dealt with children who have died unexpectedly and work with their parents in trying to determine a cause. In cases where the child (not always an infant) has died in bed, it is due to Parents being unsafe through drink or drugs and baby has been smothered. However, most surprising is that in most of my cases, the baby has been in a cot/crib with no high- risk factors and there is either an underlying medical condition that parents/health professionals were unaware of or no determined cause at all. What I conclude from this is that no form of sleep is fail-safe. I have an 11 week old baby and we co-sleep, we are more in tune with each other and any movement from him I respond to, we don't use quilts, but we wear warm clothing and a sheet. I also don't feel that a child sharing their bed with their parents is a bad thing as it is comforting to both parties and therefore baby feels a secure and loving environment both day and night. You would provide comfort your baby in the day, why should it be any different at night? In the same way a child learns the transition from nappy to toilet, a child will learn to sleep in their own bed when the time is right.
[...] to sleep alone and through the night? Co-sleeping is natural, instinctive, healthy, pleasant and beneficial. It not only causes no harm, but also helps prevent SIDS, obviously taking certain logical [...]
[...] 5) PhD in Parenting [...]
[...] Co-Sleeping Safety [...]
[...] *Co Sleeping Safety – http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/11/co-sleeping-safety/ [...]
Keith,
It is natural for children to need to bedshare at 5, 6 and 7 years old. Those are young children and in most cultures, children at those ages naturally cosleep. The teen child you mentioned who cannot get to sleep without a parent present sounds like a child who 1. needs extra parental comfort due to his or her developmental challenges (adolescents actually need their parents closeness almost as much as they did when they were toddlers) 2. was not attachment parented or 3. is a child who has suffered trauma or distress. I would guess that the teen child was NOT allowed to cosleep in the earlier years, or, was not welcomed to cosleep.
Nature's intent for children is not up for debate. When children's needs are not met due to the convenience preferences of parents, there are consequences for the children; consequences which often won't show up for years.
Did you ever get an answer to this question? I'm interested to hear a response...
Do you know why memory foam mattresses are not recommeded for bedsharing - they are lumped in with waterbeds but some memory foam mattresses are extremely firm and will barely indent at all.
I need to buy a new mattress and want to bedshare but there is nothing online about what will work...
there are products that make co-sleeping safe for baby. http://amzn.to/1erkNWT
I'm so glad you're addressing this issue, as it has come up again recently in the U.S. and I was dismayed to see that parents are being discouraged from co-sleeping. I started bringing my second to bed with me because he could not settle to sleep in his bassinette. I believe he had bedtime colic. In any case, the arrangement worked beautifully for both of us, and when I bore twins two years later they slept exclusively with me from the start.
Smoking is a major issue because anyone who smokes at all constantly excretes toxins through his/her pores. Even if a smoker doesn't smoke in bed, in the bedroom, or in the house, he or she shouldn't co-sleep with a baby or child.
I remember reading back in the day that the differences in positioning of the baby adopted by breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding mothers set up safe (breastfeeding) or dangerous (bottlefeeding) situations in bed. Your breasts are well below the pillow, so the baby is too. I'm not going to argue against your many careful cautions, but for us sleep time was skin time. I wonder whether someone has studied how people in co-sleeping cultures arrange themselves in bed--and whether there are new numbers on comparative incidence of crib death.
I wish I had had your blog about when I was having babies! My twins have just turned 18...and as a matter of fact, they will still sometimes crawl into my bed, to chatter about their lives or to seek comfort...I'd have to say it is the furthest possible thing from a disaster!
Another aspect of the studies I wonder about is how many people are being honest about bed sharing. I bet a lot more women bed share than use a crib. Whenever the subject comes up, the women I talk to will quietly let me know they bed share because of how aggressive those against it can be. It's almost like they are ashamed of it :( I bed share, and have had a nurse get really angry with me, even though I used a "co-sleeper" while they were infants. I think if it turns out that 70% of women are actually co-sleeping and not admitting to it....then it would change the facts completely.
I've just given birth to a newborn boy and I've been trying to educate myself between the pros and cons of co-sleeping. I was completely ignorant about it prior to this. The number of hasty comments and discussions I read made me even more confused. But thanks to your in-depth explanation, I'm now able to see things in clearer perspective. You guys are indeed worthy of PhD in parenting!
Sleeping is more important second along with water and air. But these days, sleeping is very difficult for me especially if I missed out 10pm-2am and I really going to have a trouble of sleep. But i didn't even think that missing sleep has a purpose like one night I've witnessed how my water restoration broken and leaks a lot of water.